I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
