I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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