I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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