spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
