Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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