Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
