The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry my hands just texted you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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