Pappa wants mamma naked
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
