My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
