my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
