I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
