Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
