After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
