just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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