I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
