I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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