There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
