he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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