We're facebook friends in real life
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
