Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
