Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
