i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
