watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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