wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
