Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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