sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
