i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
