I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
