His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
