don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
