I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
