last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
