i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
