why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
