Umm I'm too high to move.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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