My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
