this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we're so committed to being not committed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
