Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
