11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
