im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
