My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
