i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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