I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
