Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
