He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
