Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Panties = found
Randomize
