So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
