I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
