So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
