hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
