Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
