meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
