You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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